drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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