You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
