What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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