2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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