Buhtt sex?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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