some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
