you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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