but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
