How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
