I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
