shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
