It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
