Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
whose parrot is this?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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