Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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