I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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