Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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