I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
