i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
