I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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