This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
