It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
