I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
