That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
