well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
