is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I believe in your delicious
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
