he told me I talked like a deaf person
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
