Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
