I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
