i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
