I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
