So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
