I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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