dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
