So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
