I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
