sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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