According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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