Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
