I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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