I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
