So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wanna go halves on a baby?
You can't motorboat a personality
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
