would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
