I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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