At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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