babies were throwing up all over the place
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
