I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
