Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
