I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
