I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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