and you said cock pushups were impossible
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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