Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
